Soul mates?

Tonight I was laying in bed reading my current foray into literature..."Eat, Pray, Love"...and a passage struck me. I can't get it out of my head so I'll share it with you:

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change you life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it."

If this is the case then I have already met my soul mate. We had an incredible season together and he opened my eyes to things I'd never seen or done. I truly loved him and saw myself spending the rest of my life with him. He changed me and my views on life (God I never thought I could sound this cheesy). But it wasn't in the cards for us at the time due to distance. I compare every man I date to him. But do we really only have one soul mate? Is there someone else out there who will ignite these feelings in me again? Maybe Travis and I weren't meant to be together but he did tear down my walls...maybe that was his purpose...so that I can meet the person I am meant to be with.

Speaking of letting someone else in...I have a date on Monday (it's kind of awkward saying that under a picture of Trav and me). We'll see how it goes. I'm just praying for a non-freak who doesn't have webbed fingers ;)

All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye

I decided to actually make a post onto my "blog" tonight because I currently have so many bottled up emotions.

For one thing I have decided that I am a masochist when it comes to my relationships with guys. I fall for the ones that continue to hurt me over and over again and I repeatedly go back to them. I get over them (and when I say "them" I am in actuality just referring to one guy in particular) and then they somehow manage to squeeze their way back into my life. It's almost as if they have some sort of alert system that lets them know when I have forgotten about them and am happy again. This is their cue to suddenly make a return into my life and cause me the same hurt and pain I have experienced before. For the life of me I cannot figure out why I continually, and voluntarily, reenter this sick, masochistic cycle. But I had a revelation tonight...no more! I'm done! I will no longer answer your texts or phone calls. I realized that the guy I am meant to be with would never leave me in the first place and cause me so much pain. He would not kick my heart around like a hacky sack. It will be hard when I see your name light up my iPhone...but it will be easier to protect my heart from any further pain. This song couldn't be any closer to how I am feeling...

Also, I am about to turn 24...yep I said it...24! I can't believe I am going to be in my mid-twenties. When I was still a teenager, especially while I was in high school, I had a vision of what my life would be like at this moment. According to my 17 year old self, at 24 I would be in my second year of medical school in Chicago (yeah, crazy I know!), have a steady boyfriend (or maybe even be engaged) and be financially independent from my mother. So far I am 0 for 3. 1) I didn't even make it through my first semester as a pre-med student at the University of Arkansas (there was no way I was ever going to do well in an upper level chemistry or physics class). I decided to major in criminal justice and attend graduate school. That lasted for one semester because to me it was like a medieval form of torture. 2) I haven't had a steady boyfriend in a couple of years. I've dated a few guys but something always seems to go wrong (they turn out to be circus freaks, completely obsessive or I push them away). I'm starting to question whether I'm even a "relationship person" because I really enjoy being single. Maybe I'm meant to emulate Samantha from Sex and the City. 3) I still depend on my mom to help pay some bills and occasionally help with my rent. I get embarrassed when I see friends from high school and college who have well paying jobs, pay for everything that is theirs and even own their own house. I don't have a well paying job...I work my ass off for crappy pay and don't get benefits. Even though I have been on a ferocious job search I have come up empty handed. Granted I'm lucky to even have a job in our economic situation but I can't go on much longer with this pathetic job. I need to attain adult status and become completely financially independent from my mom. Realizing that I'm not where I thought I was going to be when I turned 24 has turned my world upside down. Maybe my 24th year of life will be one of change...a new, well paying job, financial independence and some prospects in the love department.